Addiction

I step on the scale every day.  It's my addiction.

I know that many people don't.  They like to be surprised, but I have massive amounts of data that tracks my ups, downs, and how my body responds to morning vs night, home cooked vs fast food, too much water vs too little water, etc.  I know that my method doesn't work for everyone, but that's what I do.

As I stepped on the scale last night, I saw a 0 at the end, which, put me solidly into a new decade this morning.  It wasn't a cheat of the scale.  It was a real day with real tracking and I had a success.  And I realized... It's addicting to see that scale move.

Reflecting back onto last week's topic at the Weight Watchers meeting, I realize that that scale can be so bad.  People get wrapped up in that number and aren't able to count the victories that aren't attached to a number, and I admit my guilt here too.  Still, to see that sale constantly moving down, down, down.... That's powerful.

I used to joke that Weight Watchers was AA for foodaholics.  And, I realize, it kind of is.  So many times in my meetings have I seen women (and sometimes men!) crying and talking about how they know better than to binge eat.  They substitute food for those feelings that are hard to deal with.  They eat to rejoice in a celebration or they eat to comfort in tragedy.  GUILTY AS CHARGED.  But those eating those feelings to give you that "high" is the same as stepping on the scale.  You step up, you see that number going down and you feel that "high."  It's exciting.  It's exhilarating.  It's progress, and it's addicting.

So, addiction is probably a bad thing, but at the same time, it's a substitute that I can deal with right now.  I'd rather be addicted to numbers going down than food.

And so, I leave you with this:

I see a decline
In the numbers on the scale:
Healthy addiction?

A beginning

Well... I thought I'd give this blog thing a try.  I'm Insta-dedicated, so we'll see if I can maintain this new platform too.

A little about me?

I'm a momma with two awesome kids... an almost three year old (next week!) and a five month old.  I'm a stay at home momma and I couldn't imagine doing ANYTHING else.  I do have a part time evening job, but it's more of a hobby than a job... I'm on staff with a college marching band.  It gets me out of the house doing something that I enjoy as well as giving me a daily dose of #MeTime (Can you hashtag a blog?!).

Now... The weighty part...
I gained a TON of weight while pregnant with both of my kids.  After my first, I lost 50 pounds with WW over the course of a year, then stagnated and stayed on this plateau for another year.  Then I got pregnant with number two.  I gained it all back and then some.  So, I'm currently right around the minus fifty mark again and it's taken me a little less time.

I'm on this journey this time and WILL NOT QUIT IT.  I have a newfound determination and feel that I'm in it to win it in the depth of my soul.  I'll mostly use this space for reflection, contemplation, and a place to get out those thoughts that go along with the journey.

And, I'll leave you with my signature, a haiku.

A mom's job is tough
But sometimes she has to do
What is best for her.